Welcome to Inkzots!

TV

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 23:23:54 -0800

Dear aebi,
i have read your column for a long time and always have been afraid to tell you my problems. I am a 16 year old guy who has had a friend for many years now. But since high school started ive noticed many different things happening to my body and feelings for him. I need help i dont no how to tell him that i love HIM AAAAHHH help....

P.s i heard you have a store opening soon WHERE IS IT and will there be boy stuff?

Tv

Dear TV,
I’m glad you asked me! This is a really tough problem. My first and foremost advice for you're problem; Don’t tell him how you feel quite yet. My dad’s best friend told my dad he was was gay. It ruined their friendship for a while because my dad just really wasn’t expecting it at all. I suggest you find out for sure if your friend is straight or not. If he is gay, then go ahead and tell him now if you want! (in person though of course). If he is straight, you have to be slightly more strategic. Find a time when you can be alone with him. Tell him about why it is hard for you, and tell him that you like guys. Don’t tell him that you like him. That may be hard (to hide that you like him), but if you tell him that it will freak him out. He will have trouble acting normal anymore around you. No matter how much you tell him, he will probably have trouble getting used to the idea so give him some time. Whether or not you tell him you love him or not all depends on who he is. You have gauge how he will react. Are you two close enough? How did he take the news of you being gay? is he the type to get freaked out by it? With the information you have given me, I would suggest not telling him you love him, because this is just high-school and there are plenty other fish in the sea! But again, this is very tough. Feel free to submit more if you want, I’ll just add it onto this one! :)

Aebi

P.S. Yes I am in fact opening a store! if you go to www.aebilamode.com you can see the website with all the information! Hope you can stop by! (unfortunately no, I will not have boys clothing to start with... But I will have a little artwork that you can buy!)

Forgotten

Mon, 3 Nov 2008 12:30:17 -0800

Dear Aebi,
I used to have these 3 really good friends who I would hang out with alot and could turn to for anything. When school started, things changed. The other two have been ignoring me alot lately and have not been treating me the same. It sort of feels like they've forgotten about me. They've gone on and made new friends but it feels like they've left me behind and it really hurts. Do you have any advice?

Dear Forgotten,
It truly is difficult to let go of the past, but if you can do that, the future will come easily and painlessly. Friends who will just drop you willy nilly are not people anyone should be friends with. You deserve people who will enjoy your company. Don’t try to ask what’s wrong with the three people, as this puts them at the upper hand, and you obviously the one left out. Don’t be too desperate for friends either, as sometimes this can push people away. Just be yourself (:D excuse the cliche!) and realize that you do have other friends you can rely on. Turn to them for friendship and other advice instead of turning to the three people who are forgetting what a great person you are. Also, try to remember that being alone is just in your head. I was there once, but I was just too blind to see that I was surrounded by people who loved me. Try to remember that these three people are not your only friends, and that you have other people that will be there for you. They may not be your best friend/s, but you are not alone. Just move on, don’t be desperate, have fun, relax, and friends should follow easily.

Best of Luck!!
Aebi

Pushed to the Side

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 07:07:59 -0700

Dear Aebi,
I have two really great friends that are so much fun to hang out with, when it's not all three of us.When we all three hang out together it's like they team up on me. They'll be kind of obsessed with each other and sort of forget about me. I don't really know what to say to them and I'm to shy. I'm also worried that they'll just talk about me behind my back then about what I've said about them being obsessed with each other. What should I do? Pushed to the Side

Dear Pushed to the Side,

You have a tough situation. Not beacause the solution is hard, but because you have two friends you really enjoy being around that are being really mean. The solution is simple: you need to start branching out. Stop depending on these people who only inflict hurt. Try hanging out with other friends, and reach out to people who you haven’t hung out with in a while. The two friends (lets call ‘em ‘THEM’) you have are really “good” friends when you don’t hang out with both of them at the same time. Think to yourself, “are THEY really worth my time?” If you think they are, then you’ll just have to take the good with the bad. I suggest that you turn to other friends, but don’t drop THEM completely out of your life either. Instead of calling up one of THEM when you want to hang out or just talk, call another friend. Organize a group together and go to the movies, or something. Organizing an outing (for lack of better word...) is a great way to start. As you say, you are shy. I also am, so I think I know what you mean. I figured out a trick to help; all you have to do is tell yourself that you are not shy, and act confident. Thats the key. You need to be confident in yourself. Its OK to feel out of your comfort zone, in fact, its really good. Try saying a little more in conversations. Sit in the middle of your friends when you’re in a group, rather than the outside. Rather than worrying about looking stupid, or saying something weird, just speak your mind. If you can find the right friends, you shouldn’t have to worry about what comes out your mouth.

Hope it all goes well!
Aebi

P.S. I’d love to know how everything turned out. If you want, you can keep me posted using the ask aebi forms, and I'd love to help out more!

I Want to Breathe!

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 06:14:57 -0700

Dear Aebi,
Ive got this friend who is totally bugging out all the time. She's jealous and clingy and its like I cant breathe.
I started ignoring her and I just gave up. Its what I want but she cant and wont understand. How do I explain that I just need to breathe? Were still young but I feel like I have stress that is not needed. I just dont want to be her friend. What do I do?
Sincerely,
I want to breathe!

Dear I Want to Breathe!,
It can be really hard when friends want to get to close. You need to tell her something along the lines of, “I kind of want to start hanging out with other people also. I still want to be friends with you, but maybe we could not be quite so close...” It will be hurtful no matter what, so try to give the most honest, truthful answers you can as to why you don’t want to be friends with her. Maybe say that you just aren’t a person who likes to go fast with relationships, and you don’t want to go so quickly while becoming her friend. Explain to her exactly with what you said to me. The worst thing you can do is ignore her completely, as then she’ll just try harder to figure out what is wrong, and it will be hurtful on both sides. It could come off as hurtful if you’re not careful how you tell her. Just try to be compassionate towards her feelings, and be as kind as possible.
Hope she understands!
Aebi

Guy Trouble

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 06:14:50 -0700

Yo Aebi-dearest,
I think this guy likes me and he is smart, nice, athletic, cute (well, sort of..)but i think that still like this guy that is going out with this girl. Sorry that i'm not that descriptive with names, but there is a lot of drama going around Waluga.
Love always,
FRAAaafraaAA!
p.s. thats a weird name..i was bored.
p.s. again. how old are you? it is wicked that you created this site!

Dear FRAAaafraaAA,
I’m not quite sure I understand exactly what you were saying, but i’ll do my best to decode it! :)
So, you think that you like guy A who is still going out with another girl. Then there is another guy (guy B) who you think likes you. Well if this is the case, then it doesn’t sound like you have much a dilemma, other than you are dealt the short stick. The guy you like is taken, and the the guy you don’t likes you. My best advice would be to just keep being yourself and stay true and confident. You can’t make Guy A like you, but don’t just settle for Guy B. You want to go out with someone you actually have feelings for. Although Guy A might seem like the perfect man, try to realize that everyone has faults. If i were in your position, i would try to find stuff that you find annoying, or weird about him. As for Guy B, try to be friendly but not lead him on. The worst situation is when you are stuck in a relationship that sucks. I’d try to just wait out this sticky patch, or, if you’re certain Guy A is the perfect guy, just sit tight. Relationships in junior high don’t last forever! ;)

Good Luck,
Aebi

P.S. thanks so much! I work hard on the site :) I’m actually 14, and in the 9th grade as of september!

Giving Up

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 06:14:44 -0700

Dear Aebi,
I have liked this guy, and he used to like me, but now i think he likes someone else, and i feel like i blew my chances with him. I want to move on, but i can't. what should i do?
xoxo
Giving Up

Dear Giving Up,
Unfortunately there’s not much that you can do in a situation like this. If he has moved on, he’s moved on. Try to realize that if he is not into you than he is not worth your time. Try spending more time with friends and just having fun. Set your eyes on the new cute guy perhaps. You’ll probably like “him” for a while still, but at least you’ll be living life and not worrying about what he is thinking of you. If it were meant to happen it would.
Wishing you well,
Aebi

Procrastination Lady

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 06:14:32 -0700

I have this procrastination problem. this problem leaves me unorganized and i haven't been doing as well as i want to in my acedemics. in science i am doing bleck, but it also leads back to my procrastination problem. i mean, im an overall honor role student! How can i solve this problem to bring my grades up?
- Procrastination Lady

Dear Procrastination Lady,
Often people procrastinate for two reason; they hate whatever it is they are working on, or they are just too stressed out to work. Have you ever played the sims? The sims will refuse to work if their needs are not met. For example, if they have not had enough fun, or they need sleep they will not work. I’ve found that much is the same for people. Try dusting off your favorite scent of candle, grabbing your pillow and turning on some music that is relaxing for you. If you enjoy reading, grab a book and just relax for an hour. or even better, do your homework on your bed, the floor, or just the same place you always do. Both these ways with the scents and music. Keep the music low so you can concentrate, and the noise levels around you at a minimum. Lots of times you just need to relax. Make sure you can snack on celery, or a good salad, and try to keep caffine at a minimum. See the heath sections for more information and keeping a healthy diet. Healthy food really helps keep your mind focused. As for not being able to get started, you’ll just have to use will power. But at least you can make the time you do spend on homework a little more enjoyable. As you said, your problem in science is your procrastination. I hope this helps!
Aebi

Sad and Confused

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 06:14:26 -0700

I had this really great guy friend, whom I also happened to have a crush on. During school, we would talk, and we got to know each other pretty well...we had inside jokes, and what not. At the and of the school year, he repeatedly asked me if I was attending a camp he was going to. I was, and I told him so. The first day was great, he talked me all the time and we had a great time. Then, the rest of the time at camp, he completely ignored me. I was only three days after school ended, and I didn't know what was up. The very last day of camp, he was all friendly, but not like he had been at school...he wouldn't make eye contact with me, but said goodbye at the end f the day, and that he would miss me. He was being really nice all that day, but something was off. I though maybe he found out he liked me, and felt awkward around me, but no one knows I like him. So, I don't know why he acted like he did. Why was he acting like that?

-Sad and Confused

Sometimes guys just do things we can't explain. This guy was, as you said, awkward about something. The only advice I can give you, is that you just need to forget about him and move on. I know that can sound a little harsh, but there will be plenty of guys; you just need to wait for the right one. If you really like this guy, maybe you should ask around and see what's up. Even go talk to him himself. Don't be afraid to take chances, because "alls fair in love and war!"
I'm sure you'll be able to sort this out! so good luck!  Aebi

Confused

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 06:14:20 -0700

Hi Aebi. I like this guy Michael and I think he might like me but my mom thinks that he is too old (1 year)!!! I told her that he is really nice but she won't listen to me...HELP!!!
-Confused

Dear Confused,
Depending on how old you are, maybe your mom just isn't ready to let you date. A really smart idea would be if you let her meet Michael. If she is able to see what you see in Michael, she might agree and change her mind. But do not insist if she still wouldn't let you date him. Chances are she is right, and there are tons of guys out there, so don't dwell too much on Michael. If he really likes you, you guys would still/probably become good friends. And after a while your mom might see that he isn't so bad, and perhaps let you date. If Michael isn't willing to do that, then he probably wouldn't be such a great boyfriend. But just remember to always follow your heart and do what you think is right.
Good luck with Michael!
Aebi

Jealous ME!!

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 06:14:10 -0700

I like this boy and at this party on wendsday we danced togeter and flirted and everyone kept asking if we liked each other and both of us said yes. People were telling me that he liked me and i was so excited!the the next night we went to another party and i imagened we would dance together like last night and we did but it was not like the night before at all because when i went to get water he was getting a lap dance from a girl(my friend!) and we are allllll 13! i was like ohhhh no he didint and he smiled at me as he got up and they started freak dancing! i almost started crying! i glared at him and some one asked me are you mad at him and i replied no because i did not want to seem like the jelouse tipe.. and i had to act as if nothing was wrong the rest of the night. what should i do?   -Jealous ME!!

Dear Jealous Me,
Sometimes you just have to let things go. Your friend and "this boy" obviously didn't think of you when they were dancing, which isn't nice at all. The boy probably liked the attention, and your friend maybe isn't such a great friend if they forgot about your feelings. Ask your friend what she was thinking, but always keep it nice. Ask her vaguely/directly. One example would be to say something like, "hey you know the other night, when you were dancing with So-and-So? Did you forget I like him?" Even if she feels bad and decides to lie (like saying no, she didn't remember), she will still know that you didn't think that was cool at all. Regarding the guy; get to be closer friends with him. The more time you spend around him, even as just friends, the more you will get to know each other. Maybe he is a jerk, or maybe you two will start to really like each other. Either way, if your around each other, you'll talk. You should ask him the same question you asked your friend, but depending on how close you and the guy are, your question may need to be a little less indirect. If you don't know him well, just start talking about the party, and slowly get the info out of him, maybe over a few days. Figuring out what was in their heads is the first step; figuring out if he's still worth it is the second. If your not serious enough about liking him that time isn't worth it, than neither is he. If you decide he's not worth your trouble, then great! He won't give you any if you don't care about him in a "more-than-a-friend" kind of way.
Wishing you the best,
Aebi

Annoyed!!

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 06:14:04 -0700

Aebi...there's this gurl at my skool that alwayz follows me and my friends around. she never talks, and alwayz leans in when we are sharin secrets. its really really annoyin, but everytime we all try to confront her, she never seems to get the idea. she just keeps on following us anywayz. she alwayz comes late to lunch, and walks around the table over and over again, waiting 4 a spot to sit down, even tho she nos that no one is done eating. and after lunch, she walks right behind us until we get to our class, and then she goes to hers. its soooo annoying. im stressed out because i dont no wat to do. i've confronted her tonz of times, but she never seems to get the idea. What should i do?!?!?!
-annoyed!!

Dear annoyed,
This girl obviously wants to be friends with you and your friends. Could it be she never talks because she doesn't feel welcome? I know for a fact that if you give her the time, she will talk. as for being a little, "in your space", theres only one thing to do. Tell her. You say she never gets the idea. maybe you are not sending a clear message. Confront her in a way that is not accusing, or rude; but in a way that telsl her, "i like you, but now is not the time to listen in." Maybe share some other secret/s with her. Try to make her feel welcome and she may open up and stop being so annoying. About your hovering problem at lunch. Again, just tell her! tell her that if she wants to sit down, she's going to need to say something. nowone is just going to move over because your standing there. Find a kinder but firm way to say that, and it should solve your problem. If nothing works, it isn't just because she doesn't feel she belongs, but because thats who she is. In that case, you really can't do anything about her. Just try to tolerate her, and nver be mean. Don't loose your temper with her. Keep telling her in direct and to the point, (but nice!) how to not annoy you and your friends in certain siturations. remeber, the key is; GOOD COMMUNICATION! = )
Good luck in sorting out your mess! Aebi

Mad and Angry

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 06:13:50 -0700

Dear Aebi,  There is this really annoying girl who goes to my school that always bugs me. She lies, steals, and cheats (i know she does and i have proof except she always seem to get away with it) and she always make my day go wrong no matter what i do. My teachers can't see that because she always act all innocent and sweet in front of them and she can be a total drama queen plus nobody will ever believe me. I don't know what to do! HELP~   -Mad and angry.

 Dear Mad and Angry,
You can not do much about this girl. The only person you have power over is yourself. I know this sounds a lot like what all the other adults say, but it is true, and can definately be applied to your situation. Lets start from the begining. you say, "She lies, steals, and cheats." You can't do anything about what she chooses to do, but you can make efforts so that she doesn't steal, cheat, or lie from you. Just as a normal precaution, don't leave things hanging out of your pockets or backpack. If you are in a class with her, keep your stuff by you, and if she comes your way, keep an eye on her. I'm not saying you should be paranoid about her stealing something from you at the slightest break in your attention. Just notice if she bumps into you, or walks to close. Cheating should be fairly easy for you to stop her from doing to you. Just cover your work, and don't let her see your answers. Lying. Lying is the hardest thing to deal with. It's hard to know when someones teling the truth, and the whole truth. watch out for ridiculous things she says, and try to get backup if its on something important to you. You can't do much about her doing all these things to others, but you can let them know when it happens. Just give a friendly reminder after a test or something that they should cover their work, because you could see people looking at it. Don't point fingers, unless you really need to. This should help that "nobody ever believes you," which i'm sure is not true. But if you don't point fingers, "they" cant say you were lying. Most teachers will never understand problems like the one you have. Don't worry about what they think or believe. Let this girl mess up herself if she wants, but don't let her outsmart you. She may be annoying, but remember; she has some big problem in her life which is making her act the way she does. This is no excuse, but focus on yourself and not on her, and you'll find things looking up!
I'm sure you'll do great! Aebi